Sunday, July 15, 2007

Walang swerte (without luck)


Tears of frustration come too frequently lately. I am trying to move forward on a couple of projects but the process is slow and involves running back and forth to get permission for many things. This involves a lot of informal meetings and waiting. Waiting and more waiting.

There is nothing more amazing to me than watching opportunity after opportunity squashed because egos and bureaucracy carry tantamount importance above all other organizational goals. And that is all I will say about that.

And despite the fact that my projects are moving slowly as the months fly by, I've been able to accomplish a few things lately that I am proud of.

I decided that I should take advantage of my free time to learn new skills and Millenyo gave me ample time to experiment.

I've learned to make a few Filipino dishes, homemade peanut butter, hem curtains decently and am ambitious to sew a shirt or sun dress over the next few months.

City Life Starts to Lose its Charm

The pollution, traffic, noise, people constantly screaming hello to me is getting to me. As much as I like my home, I wish that I had been able to find something outside the center of the city. I try to run outside the city at least once a day to be surrounded by nothing but trees, rice fields, goats and cows. It always works. My headaches and tiredness dissipates and my mood lightens instantly. I feel free. I always used to city life, for a while.

I walked down along a concrete path built directly on top of the mud separating two rice fields....I walked and walked excited to find a more rural route home away from the pollution, screaming children who may or may not know more about me than my name and the swerving trikes. The curvy concrete path only led to the very center of the field where a house of weaved bamboo called a nebah hut sat under the low, wide branches of a tree. This was such a paradox to me. How families lived together until they married and sometimes afterward with their children and they were so private yet know everything about everyone else's business. It's almost a form of self-protection and protection to know the people around you so you know that your family is truly safe...That is what I've decided to believe regarding the gossipy nature of Filipino's. (Yet, it still bother me that people stare at me everywhere I go...I'm hoping that I will get over this soon.)

I know that with every failure will come a new opportunity. That is how I insist on thinking about things..every failed relationship, every failed opportunity...a teacher of mine once said that every mistake is a new opportunity...that is how I prefer to look at life....Look at what happened and resulted. Take what you can from the experience, learn from it and move on in a totally new direction.


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